How men give out their secret intentions towards you: sign language!
It is common for a person to express his emotions and feelings in the process of communication, regardless of the oral presentation or in the form of written messages. People, in direct contact with each other, using facial expressions, body language and gestures bring bright colors to the story. There is an opportunity to understand whether this topic interested the interlocutor or left him indifferent.
Non-verbal communication. Truth or myth?
Some doubt the existence of body language, considering all talk on this subject as empty fiction.
Opponents of the theory of poses and gestures argue that a change in body position occurs for completely different reasons. For example, in a sitting position it is more convenient for a person to cross his arms if there are no armrests, but not because he is a misanthrope.
Yawning begins not only from the fact that they begin to get bored. Lack of oxygen in a cramped room or overwork can trigger this process. Therefore, before formulating conclusions, it is necessary to understand why the interlocutor began to actively gesticulate or rotate an object in his hands.
To reveal sign language will help experiment. And the subjects can be friends and relatives, facial expressions, whose poses and gestures change in different situations of life. But in no case should you be imposed and crushed, otherwise you can damage many years of friendship and good relations.
A non-verbal means of communication is the process of transmitting thoughts without using speech - the second signaling system. It incorporates 60–80% of veiled information.
Each of us, communicating with an opponent who correctly sets out the essence of the matter and argues with facts, often feels a trick in his words. But, despite the reliability and veracity of the information, intuition suggests that you should not rely entirely on this person. And with further communication, discomfort is felt, a person is looking for something to complain about.
And, indeed, the interlocutor is given changes in facial expressions, postures and gestures that contradict his smooth presentation. A certain discrepancy appears and serious fears arise that it does not work in your best interests.
The ability to read the secret language of gestures correctly will avoid unpleasant situations. For example, HR specialists cannot do without knowledge about the hidden intentions of potential employees.
It is difficult for a person to hold back emotions for a long time, they must find a way out. But due to circumstances, the rules of decency and the norms of society, we are not free to surrender to the will of feelings and express them, changing our posture, facial expressions and gestures. Often this behavior becomes the norm and becomes a habit.
Nonverbal Communication Examples
- There is a common method of making contact with new friends: you should copy his gestures and poses. If the interlocutor crossed his arms, you can repeat this body movement. This manipulation promotes non-verbal unity. There is a whole set of such small tricks.
To catch the true meaning, you need to pay close attention to the position of the hands and feet of the interlocutor.
Mostly gestures and poses emphasize the truth, and sometimes contradict what was said.
It is difficult to believe a person with crossed limbs, convincing another of good intentions. It is unlikely that he will fulfill his promise. Surely he uses the location and trust of partners in his personal interests.
Through gestures and postures, you can hide some of the information from opponents. Despite the ease and ease of communication, the posture makes it clear that the owner does not intend to share important information with anyone.
Alan Pisa, a well-known psychologist, is called "Mr. body language." The author has released his works in million copies. Alana Pease set out to not only teach the reader to “decipher” body language, but also to put the acquired knowledge into practice. Even the slightest changes, even to the expansion of the pupils and the contiguity of the eyelids, do not escape his attention.
Firstly, there is an opportunity to establish communications.
Secondly, it is possible to calculate with a high degree of probability the further actions of a person.
From the standpoint of psychological knowledge, Alan focuses on the distinctive features of behavior and gestures in women and men.
In addition to gender differences, the movements of managers and subordinates are very different. Watching a conversation, you can capture a quick change of emotions.
Question 2. Are they hidden, these same sexual signals?
Sexual signals are designed to let others know about their intention. Nature is wise; it will not create an unnecessary system. But nature is one thing, and personal individuality is another. Not all individuals are equally savvy. And not all participants in the mating season transmit their signals with equal strength and certainty. This is affected by:
- age features. In childhood, we simply don’t notice these signals, in youth we can misinterpret, taking what we wish for reality, and in old age ... However, we will not talk about sad things.
- current hormonal state. The young human male, whose last sex was a few years ago, will perceive any gestures of individuals of the opposite sex as the most frank invitations.
- individual characteristics. Like it or not, but there are people who have a more or less developed instinct for the nuances of human communication. Communication in every sense, including sexually. And only experience can help here, but it also has a very limited range of possibilities.
Question 3. Why the presence of sexual signals does not mean guaranteed sex?
In fact, a sexual signal has a wider range of purposes than just inviting anyone to sex. Conditionally sexual signals can be divided into three groups. For simplicity, we call them signals of the first level, second and third. And the signals of the first and second levels do not aim at sex as such. Their task is to maintain the context of sexual conversation and move on to the third level of signals. Which is designed for further continuation of contact in bed.
1. Level 1 signals created to show that a person of the opposite sex is seen. These are the simplest and most harmless signals. Such as pulling the abdomen in men or adjusting hair in women. The purpose of such signals is to fix themselves in the focus of attention of a potential partner. Often these are completely unconscious impulses and there are no intentions behind them.
2. Level 2 signals talk about the desire to stand out from other sexual competitors. The goal is to show your attractiveness and stand out against the general background.
3. Level 3 signals . The most unambiguous and defiant behavioral symptoms They speak of a clearly defined intention to satisfy sexual arousal.
Let's start with men, as their language of sexual signals is more primitive and it will be easier and faster to overcome it (in the sense of learning).
First Level Sexual Signals
As soon as a man notices a woman whom he liked and wants his attention, he immediately tries to acquire the external contour of a viable male. The stomach is pulled in, the back is straightened, the chest is straightened, the shoulders rise and get apart to the side. A man becomes taller, slimmer and looks more significant. The key task is to become, if not the largest male, then at least larger than usual.
2. The motion vector
The man’s body turns in the direction of the woman who interested him. Men prefer to look directly into the eyes of danger, and in this case this is true. The man turns around to face the woman to see her better.
But there are cases when it is inconvenient to turn around for various reasons (the organization of space or the rule of morality does not allow). However, even here the subconscious mind finds a way out - in the direction of the desired woman, the feet unfold. One or both.
3. The need to tidy clothes
Men most often straighten a tie. Although the range of signals related to clothes is wider - men begin to unconsciously shake off dust particles, fiddle with shirt cuffs, straighten their jackets - nevertheless, an attempt to straighten a tie is a leader among gestures.
4. Work with hair
Another common symptom is when a man straightens his hair. Usually this is expressed in smoothing the hair with your hand, which indicates a man’s plans to reduce the distance between him and the woman who liked.
What is sign language and body
There is a twofold concept that divides sign language into involuntary and sign language. Everyone uses the first when they nod in response, wave their hand in greeting or raise their eyebrows, surprised. Sign language is a way to express one’s thoughts for the deaf-mute and an opportunity to understand someone else’s speech for the deaf, it is a systematic system of hand movements, facial expressions and articulations that increase the communication skills of people with disabilities.
Signals of the second level contact.
1. Reduce distance . The very first sign that a man is trying to stand out among his own kind and attract the attention of a woman he likes is an attempt to get closer. In this case, men use any reason for this.
2. The mating roar of a male . Usually a man begins to speak louder than usual and so that the most successful jokes, sayings, tirades reach the dear ears of the chosen one. Often men in such a situation begin to laugh too loudly, even if the joke is pretty bearded.
3. Change of pose . Men either try to spread their legs wider and take a more stable position (flirting and seduction are a man’s fight with fate, and during the fight you need to stand firmly on your feet), or vice versa they demonstrate frank imposingness and relaxation. Their postures are either too stable-symmetrical, or openly relaxed-relaxed.
4. Long look . This sign speaks for itself. A man is trying to attract the attention of a woman by looking at her. Maybe he just has poor eyesight, but usually a long look indicates a desire to receive reciprocal eye contact. By the nature of the response, the man can conclude whether the woman is ready for further measures for rapprochement or whether it is necessary to look for another victim.
5. Thumb demonstration . This gesture is most often seen when a man hides his hands in his pockets while talking to a woman, but his thumbs stick out. We all know that Dr. Freud could say about protruding elongated objects. And he is right, but only partially: the demonstration of the thumbs, like the demonstration of any oblong subject, is not so much erotic as hierarchical in nature. Thus, men express their aggressiveness, dominance, authority. It is no coincidence that such a gesture is often found during a purely masculine conversation. Are they not preoccupied with sexual issues at this time?
Another common option is to put your thumbs on the belt. But in general, any gestures in the genital area indicate the intimate nature of the conversation. And if the conversation is between a man and a woman, then they definitely have a sexual connotation.They can discuss futures prices or talk about environmental issues or modern education, but if their gestures are formed in the lower abdomen, then they actually speak exclusively of mutual sympathy. It’s just that they use the wrong words for this.
The meaning of gestures
In the human psyche, the meaning of non-verbal signals - gestures and facial expressions - is embedded in the realm of the unconscious. People may not pay attention to their own and others' attempts to transmit information, but subconsciously recognize them. For a more accurate reading of the messages, it is necessary to study their meaning in accordance with the cultural environment to which the interlocutors belong.
Despite the prevalence of the meanings of most mimic reactions, in some cultures, generally accepted gestures may have the opposite meaning. So, nodding your head usually means consent, but in some cultures - denial.
Body language varies depending on the gender of the speaker, age, social status and other personality characteristics. Communication with gestures is limited: only basic emotions can be conveyed with movements, but it is impossible to show the subtleties of the relationship. Therefore, body language is used to complement, enhance the emotional coloring of speech. Conscious use of gestures, control of facial expressions - the result of volitional effort, aimed mainly at the desire to hide lies.
Body language and gestures during communication: what are they talking about?
So, let's "plunge" with you into the extraordinary world of gestures, facial expressions and "bodily conversations." What can open to us body language and gestures of a man (women)? Our body and its language:
- When a person cannot stand still, constantly moving, shifting from one foot to another, he betrays his insecurity and anxiety, irritability and impatience.
- Feet confidently standing speak of calm, self-confidence and poise at the present time.
- Sitting, legs constantly swing - hyperactivity or lack of attention.
- Foot tapping means a desire to quickly end the conversation and leave, but it does not mean hostility, just a person can be late for somewhere.
- Too close to each other's legs is an indicator of humility, if you want to seem confident.
- Stroking someone's foot is flirting.
- Slow walking, when legs seem to weave, - boredom.
- Confident steps towards you - the desire to make contact, when a person tries to move away - on the contrary, is an indicator of unwillingness to communicate.
A useful skill is to understand when a girl is flirting, is interested in meeting someone, in a man and in his initiative. This will help to avoid misunderstanding and tell you which direction to move.
The most interesting: when a girl flirts, she, of course, tries to please the man and show herself.
An open flirt without doubt or embarrassment - a direct look with a slight open smile. It lasts literally a second, exactly as long as it would take a man time to count it.
After that, many women lower their eyes, as if shy.
In addition, a woman can still straighten a lock of hair accidentally knocked out of her hairstyle, with a light, laid-back movement, recover or twist at the mirror.
If a woman touches her neck or wrists, runs a finger along the glass or twists it, holding her leg - a sure sign that she definitely likes the man.
And if a woman is also sitting, slightly tilting the body toward him, bending over or turning in his direction - there is no doubt at all.
Very often, women complain of an insufficient amount of sympathy and support, comfort from the male side, when necessary.
It is one thing to learn to talk to a man about his feelings. It is quite another to observe how a woman is offended and to remember indicative moments.
In order for a man to provide assistance and support on time, he needs to understand when a girl is sad.The reasons may be completely different, but it is the manifestations that are important.
If a woman cries soberly, she is definitely sad (a joke).
In fact, it is very easy to recognize a frustrated person: drooping corners of the lips, a lifeless apathetic look (sometimes with a focus on one point), frowning eyebrows, drooping shoulders or literally stoop.
Is a woman happy with you? Watch how she behaves in your presence. Suddenly something needs to be fixed, but he does not even pay attention.
A woman is happy if her eyes “shine”, she is calm and often smiles openly (especially when she looks at her man). Her movements are energetic and confident, and facial expressions are lively and emotional.
A separate nuance is posture. Confident and happy woman walks with a flat back, the top reaches for the sun.
Psychosomatics often attribute this to the fact that a person who does not slouch does not feel the “severity of problems” on his shoulders. Not because he lives easily, but because he does not perceive them as a catastrophe.
How to calculate the deceiver by non-verbal signals?
Watch out if his mouth is “shut”
Calculating a lie can be difficult, especially if the liar is a professional. But if you are extremely attentive to those signals that his subconscious gives out, then you can easily cope with the task.
A liar, no matter how hard he tries to hide his lie, can still be recognized: he is given a mismatch between the micro-signals of the subconscious, manifested in gestures, and the spoken words.
A person is so programmed that his reaction to a lie is always negative, even if it is his own lie. It does not happen that a person is lying, while remaining completely calm. Let us recall the sayings: "He lies and does not blink an eye", "He lies and does not blush." Of course, in this case we are talking about people who are brilliantly able to hide their lies, mask their fiction, and are able to cope with the involuntary reactions of their body. But even if we are dealing with an experienced deceiver, he will not be able to hide all the signs of a lie.
If your interlocutor uses gestures related to bringing your hands closer to your face, then this should alert you: maybe something bad is in his mind. It can be doubt, uncertainty, gloomy foreboding. But most often this is some exaggeration of a fact or a clear lie. What gestures can an interlocutor give if he is clearly lying?
When we watch or hear others tell a lie, or lie ourselves, we try to close our mouth, eyes or ears with our hands. Protecting the mouth with your hand is one of the few outright gestures that clearly indicate lies. A hand covers his mouth, and his thumb is pressed to his cheek, as he sends a signal to restrain spoken words. Some people try to pretend to cough in order to disguise this gesture. If such a gesture is used by the interlocutor at the time of speech, this indicates that he is telling a lie. However, if he covers his mouth with his hand at the moment you speak, and he listens, it means that he understands that you are lying.
Touching your nose is a subtle, disguised version of the previous gesture. It can be expressed in a few light touches to the dimple under the nose or can be expressed in one quick, almost imperceptible touch on the nose.
This gesture is explained as follows: a liar has ticklish urges on the nerve endings of the nose, and I really want to scratch it. When you see that the interlocutor is lying, you can ask him to repeat or clarify what was said. This will force the trickster to refuse to continue his tricky game.
If a person blinks often, then he is lying.
The subconscious mind is always against lies
Even an experienced trickster cannot control his subconscious. It, as a rule, gives out a lie. Therefore, you need to be extremely attentive to the micro signals of the subconscious.
Pay attention to the left side of the human body.It is the left side - the left hand, the left leg, the left half of the face - that gives out true emotions. The explanation is quite simple. The fact is that emotions are very difficult to control in the process of deception. If a person is cunning, then internally he is tense, this tension can be obvious, but can be hidden. But, one way or another, there are signals that give out the excitement of a person, even if he tries in every way to veil him.
You should look for such signals on the left side of the human body. The right side is the most controlled. We pay more attention to what is happening with our right side. For example, if we notice that our right hand behaves, to put it mildly, not quite “right”, betraying our nervousness or deception, then we can make her calm down. But the left side of our body is not always subject to conscious control.
Recent studies have attributed this to the fact that the left and right sides of the body are controlled by different hemispheres of the brain. The left hemisphere controls speech and intellectual activity, the right controls emotions, imagination and sensory activity. Control connections cross each other: the work of the left hemisphere is reflected on the right side, which is more controlled. Therefore, everything that a person tries to demonstrate to others is displayed on the right half of his body, and what he really experiences is displayed on the left.
So what kind of non-verbal signals can give out a trickster? If you notice that your interlocutor’s left hand constantly hangs out of place, describes circles or other figures in the air, and without any sense at all, this may mean that your interlocutor is not too frank with you, your left hand, thus, betrays his the owner. A similar "scammer" on his not quite sincere owner may be his left leg, which depicts figures, lines and other insignificant elements on sand or asphalt.
Keep eye contact
You can always determine whether your interlocutor is sincere with you if you look him in the eye. If your interlocutor hides his eyes, this is the first sign that in his words lies a lie.
There are small nuances that you must consider if you want to bring your interlocutor to clean water. When analyzing the look of your partner, pay attention to where he looks away. The deceiver pursues a single goal - he wants you to believe him, so he does not lower his eyes down, but looks away. If desired, he can again look at you to determine if his tricks have worked. If the eyes of your interlocutor are lowered down, then most likely he is just embarrassed in your company. If your interlocutor looks up, this is a sign that he is in thought.
If you doubt the sincerity of your interlocutor, and there is insufficient evidence, try an investigative experiment to establish the truth. Look at your interlocutor point blank for a minute. If he holds your gaze, does not try to look away, he does not deceive you. If he avoids your gaze, constantly looking with his eyes for a place to hide, then most likely he is cunning.
It is very difficult to look the person in the eye directly. You yourself may feel uncomfortable, awkward, try to look away. If you are unable to maintain eye contact, then you can use a little trick: direct your eyes to the tip of the nose of your interlocutor. It will seem to him that you look him in the eye. In this way, you can easily calculate a liar, provided, of course, that he does not own such a technique and does not try to cheat you.
A person can hide a lie in another way.A well-known trick of experienced liars: in order to withstand the look of the interlocutor, you need to blink actively, more often than simple physiological needs require. So you can withstand an arbitrarily long and gaze, even if your conscience is not very clear. Be careful with such active blinks.
Another trick that a trickster can use is the so-called “crafty look”. He deliberately narrows his eyes in order to hold your gaze. At the same time, a person may smile cloyingly, try to mislead you about his sincerity.
Look for emotions on the left
This chapter will focus on the least controlled side of the human face — the left side. We will talk about how fraud can be calculated from mimic reactions.
Artists and photographers have long known that a person’s face is asymmetrical, as a result of which the left and right sides of our faces reflect emotions in different ways. On the left side of the face, it’s harder to hide feelings. Positive emotions are reflected more evenly on both sides of the face, negative emotions are clearly expressed on the left side. The sincerity of human emotion is usually indicated by symmetry in displaying feelings on the face. The stronger the falsity, the more different the facial expressions on the right and left halves. In a word, if one side of the face is curved more than the other, the person is definitely lying.
When you have doubts about whether your interlocutor is truthful, then turn to the left side of his face for an answer. If you notice a certain dissonance and disharmony in his facial expressions, this may be evidence of his insincerity. For example, a person smiles at you, but you notice that the left corner of the mouth is raised up less than the right, the so-called asymmetry of the smile. This is a sure sign of the insincerity of your interlocutor, and we call such a smile a grin. It has a special meaning: your opponent shows you that you are in his power, that you can’t do anything.
If, for example, one eyebrow of your interlocutor is straightened and lies flat, not expressing emotions, and at this time the other (usually left) is raised, or reduced to the bridge of the nose, this can also be a sign of the falsehood of your interlocutor.
Subconsciously or consciously, a person can hide the left side of the face. Say, he specifically turns to you with his right side, while closing the "treacherous" left. This is done so that you do not calculate the fraud by his involuntary reactions.
There are several more mimicry nuances that indicate that a person is cheating. Pay attention to the tip of the nose: for a liar, the tip of the nose can move, it can divert the nose to the side.
Pay attention to whether a person’s smile matches his gaze. If you notice that a person is laughing, but his eyes are not, this can only mean one thing - a person withholds something from you.
Watch out for involuntary reactions
A person can pull himself together and begin to control his own body, follow gestures, posture, facial expressions. However, involuntary reactions of the body are very difficult to hide. They can betray deception, even if you have an experienced liar in front of you.
It is by involuntary reactions of the body that the truth is distinguished from fiction on a lie detector. You too can become a more or less accurate detector if you learn to notice these involuntary reactions during a conversation. The detector picks up the smallest deviations from the norm - a change in heart rate (usually, an increase in heart rate), and breath holding. From these indicators it is very easy to determine whether a person is lying or telling the truth.
How to determine the truth without a lie detector? Involuntary reactions include: redness and blanching of the face, increased heart rate, breath holding. The most noticeable areas of the pulse are the veins in the arms, wrists, and arteries. If a person has a fast pulse, then this can be determined by the fact that his tie began to pulsate.
A person blushed or turned white, and this may also mean that he is insincere with you. Moreover, when a person turns pale, this is a sign of fear (fear of being exposed). If he blushed, this is a sign of shame for his deception. In a person who does not lie too often, his complexion can change right before his eyes - he will either blush or whiten.
A person who cheats may suddenly begin to suffocate. His breathing quickens due to lack of air. A liar is characterized by spasmodic throat movements and reflex swallowing of saliva. Or, on the contrary, from strong excitement before a possible exposure, he may dry out in his throat, and he will ask for a drink. All these involuntary reactions are characteristic of a person who is not too proficient in deception and is very worried. If your interlocutor is an experienced liar, then it will not be so easy to calculate it. His excitement will be much less, and the arbitrary reactions of the body are invisible, so you will need to try hard to determine the fraud.
Who is in front of you: boss or subordinate?
A person who is used to control uses special gestures. With the help of non-verbal signals, he says that he is in charge here, he needs to be obeyed. All his actions, gestures are aimed at seizing leadership. If in front of him is a weak adversary, then he will easily achieve his goal. In order to confront such an opponent, one must master the methods of neutralizing his influence.
A person who seeks to seize leadership can be calculated by the way he greets, how he gives his hand for greeting. If he throws his hand forward, and so that his hand is on top, it means that he is used to dominate and tries to demonstrate his strength.
How to resist such pressure from your opponent? You can wrap your hand around your wrist and shake it. There is a milder form of neutralizing such a manifestation of power. You can cover the top with your other hand.
In the process of shaking hands, the struggle for leadership continues. Here, the winner is the one who holds his hand longer, the loser - who takes it first. A person who is accustomed to control has a “stranglehold” - a very strong and long handshake.
The gestures used by a person who is determined to gain leadership are very clear, strict, no frills. His desire to control others can be manifested in the following gesture: in his hand is an object, the "boss" uses it as a pointer. It can be a pen, glasses or any other item that your interlocutor can manipulate, emphasize meaningful words. He acts as a teacher, an expert in explaining to others what to do, how to behave.
The fact that a person feels his superiority is indicated by an eloquent gesture - arms crossed on his chest with thumbs raised up. This double signal indicates, on the one hand, a negative attitude towards you, and on the other, a sense of superiority over you. An interlocutor who feels that he is dominating you can, with his hands clasped in a lock, rotate his fingers around each other. If a person is standing, then at that moment he can swing on his heels - this is also a kind of posture of superiority: a person is so confident in himself that he can afford such uncomfortable, unstable positions as standing on toes or heels.
Another gesture that expresses excessive confidence and a feeling of dominance over you is clutching your hands behind your back with a grip on your wrist. A sign of confidence and complacency is the use of a gesture - hands "house", as well as laying hands behind his head. There are several ways to get rid of your interlocutor. You can lean forward and ask: "I see: you know that."If it doesn’t work, try to make him change his smug pose to a more neutral one, offering to see some picture or illustration, ask your interlocutor: “Have you seen this?” This will make him change his position, lean towards you.
A person who feels superior to his interlocutor always looks at him with a special look, from above. He demonstrates his superiority with the help of a whole complex of facial expressions.
Looking down has nothing to do with the difference in the growth of the interlocutors. A person who is not tall, but possesses the lion's share of confidence in his abilities, can look at his tall, but less confident interlocutor, as the boss looks at his subordinate. This is a look of confident people with remarkable leadership qualities, successful in life and, possibly, occupying high posts.
We will figure out what is special about the look of a person who knows his own worth. First, he will never look at you with wide eyes. For him, you are not such an important bird to pay attention to you. Therefore, as a rule, a person who feels his superiority looks through the narrow slits of half-opened eyelids. With this look, he expresses some disregard for his interlocutor. Sometimes it has another meaning - skepticism, an assessment of your capabilities.
If you are not familiar with the leader closely, then you are unlikely to be gifted with your eyes at all. First you have to earn his attention, somehow attract. But be sure that you will be studied, evaluated, squinted to conclude how dangerous you are.
On the face of a person who is confident in his abilities, a certain standard facial expression is always expressed. He may smile at your meeting, but this smile is usually formal in nature. It does not express the sincere joy of a person from meeting you, but is a sign of superiority, arrogance, appreciation, and skepticism. Smiling, your interlocutor can stretch his lips, but the corners of the mouth will not be raised, but only stretched in different directions.
For arrogant people, accustomed to control, a bored look is characteristic. While you state the essence of your request or make him any suggestion, your interlocutor may pretend that he is not interested - during the conversation he can study the environment.
Rule number 24
A self-confident person is characterized by a special gait and posture. You can immediately determine who is in front of you - the boss or subordinate, if you pay attention to these important non-verbal signals that can tell a lot about a person.
The gait has a character: a person walks the way he is used to acting. For example, he was used to pursuing his goal at all costs, which means that he will walk briskly, quickly, waving his arms. Even if he is just walking, he is unlikely to walk slowly, because he is used to doing everything on the run, he simply does not have time for a slow walking step. The steps of this person are very broad. He is always swift, goes to his goal and achieves it in two steps.
A person who is used to controlling people is also used to controlling his body. He walks smoothly, he has an elastic, even step, all movements are confident and clear. If on his way there was some kind of barrier - a puddle, dirt, then he is unlikely to go around this barrier, unless, of course, it is surmountable. Most likely, he will jump over it, do the same thing that he always does with difficulties - overcome.
A very different type of character is indicated by a slow, indecisive gait. Most likely this person is used to obeying, he is walking carefully, his arms are extended at the seams. He chooses places on dry land, and if he still encounters a huge puddle on the pavement, he tries to get around it. He constantly looks around, doing it more out of habit than out of necessity.He constantly feels danger. Such people, as a rule, have posture defects - it can stoop. Such a walk is inherent in a person who is looking for easy ways and strives for a calm and prosperous life.
Face without emotion
A person has a sense of self-confidence when he succeeded in something. As a rule, self-confident people have considerable experience, have seen a lot and know a lot, which is why they are characterized by a certain mimic calm.
An experienced manager knows what sign language is and that using signs of non-verbal communication can harm him, give out true motives. That is why such people are extremely careful using facial expressions that speak about their experiences. They know how to control their facial expressions, and you can very rarely see on their face a reflection of true emotions.
It is very difficult to determine what is on their mind, what they feel, how they relate to you, whether they agree with your opinion, whether they make concessions. But still you can calculate the true motives for the behavior of such secretive people if you are extremely attentive to mimic non-verbal signals.
Pay attention to implicit facial expressions, hidden emotions, involuntary reactions. Arrange an experiment: test a person. Make him an offer that is unlikely to suit him, or perhaps even angry, and see what emotions are reflected on his face. How will he react to such a proposal? How to express his dislike? For example, anger can be reflected on the face as follows: a person grimaces, leads his nose. These may be slightly noticeable facial reactions, but you should note them to yourself. Then try to soften your proposal as much as possible, suggest something that, in your opinion, the interlocutor will definitely like. And watch how he expresses positive emotions. Pleasure can be expressed as a half smile, a sparkle in the eyes, a raised eyebrow or otherwise. Thus, you will learn to determine the mood of a person, read his thoughts, track his emotions. When you make a real proposal, in order to determine your opinion, you just need to follow the reaction of your interlocutor: does he show involuntary reactions that mean satisfaction, or those that indicate displeasure.
Rule number 26
Attention! I say
A person who is used to managing, successful in business, knows how to use the gift of speech professionally, not only because he correctly and correctly expresses his thoughts, but also because he skillfully manipulates his voice to convince his opponents. The voice is the leader’s main weapon.
The leader, as a rule, has a set voice. During their lives, people with leadership qualities often had to attract the attention of others, speak in public, and they know how to do it right. The leader man has his own voice, he has an undeniable oratory talent. Perhaps in the past he performed on the stage of an amateur theater or student KVN.
He knows when to raise his voice in order to be heard, and where to speak a little quieter to attract the attention of the audience. If a person has a set voice, then this suggests that he is more likely to control than to obey.
In addition, a powerful person always speaks at an average pace. He does not accelerate the pace of speech in order to powder your brains, but speaks in a rhythm convenient for your perception, because he is confident in himself, in his words, and wants you to believe him. Slow pace is not peculiar to such people, they never “mumble”. They competently place accents and pauses where necessary. By these signs, one can easily distinguish a leader from a person who is used to obeying.
Nonverbal Attraction Signals (Sympathy)
Seek truth in gaze
To understand that another person likes you, you can carefully look into his clear eyes.If these eyes are really clear, then you can safely record your interlocutor among your fans. In this chapter, we will talk about how to look by looking that you are cute to another person.
There is a latent and open form of sympathy. The hidden form is used when a person is afraid to be deceived in you, afraid that he will not achieve reciprocity from you. But, despite his fear, he seeks to contact you, seeks to be with you and look at you. Very often, if a person hides his sympathy, then he looks at the object of adoration furtively, imperceptibly. If your views intersect at some point, he immediately looks away.
If a person openly shows sympathy for you, then in his gaze one can read interest, respect, the question: “How do you feel about me?” Moreover, the person’s eyes are wide open, the pupils are usually dilated. There is no hostility and other negative emotions in his gaze.
Male and female views of sympathy are very different from each other. Women are more inventive. It was the female representatives who gave rise to the art of "shooting eyes." It is the lady who, as a rule, is the first to begin the innocent game of “peepers,” which, if successful, turns into a stormy romance. We will understand how women and men send each other visual signals of sympathy.
Male attraction signals. In order to determine from a man’s look whether you are attractive to him, pay attention to where he is looking. A man, expressing sympathy, examines the object from head to toe. To begin with, he notes your general attractiveness for himself, then falls below, holding his eyes on the chest and hips, if you are a happy owner of forms worthy of his attention. If a man begins to show interest in you, this is expressed in the expansion of his pupils and increased eye contact.
Female attraction looks. Girls look different. They are characterized by a squint, furtively. If at the same time they meet the gaze with the subject of their sighs, then, as a rule, they look away and blush. It is considered not very decent for girls to hold their eyes on a man, so they try to observe the subject of their dreams secretly until he sees. The girl begins to examine her potential gentleman from the bottom up, which is different from men. This direction has a double meaning. On the one hand, she takes courage to look the man in the eye like, and on the other hand, the most desirable moment for a woman is the moment of meeting of two looks.
Sympathy is hidden in gestures
Gestures of sympathy are very diverse and interesting. Each person has his own individual set of gestures, with the help of which he attracts the attention of the person he likes.
We have already noted that male and female gestures of sympathy are very different from each other. Of course, female non-verbal signals are much more diverse and interesting than male ones. There are universal gestures that are used by representatives of both sexes to express or, conversely, hide their sympathy.
If, for example, a person doubts the reciprocity of his chosen one, then caution is characteristic of his gestures. If, by accident or intentionally, a person touches his secret admirer, he, in turn, will instantly pull his hand away, as if burned. This is no coincidence: hiding his sympathy and affection, a person is afraid of contact with someone he likes, because he fears that he does not cope with his instincts and will betray himself with his head.
Men usually express sympathy as follows. To begin with, they try to attract the attention of a woman they like, begin to preen in her presence: smooth their hair, straighten a tie, cufflinks, shirt, pull a collar, jacket, brush off a dust particle from the shoulder or dandruff.
A man can use the following eloquent gesture: to put his thumbs on the belt in the abdomen to focus on the area of his genitals, to stand, holding his hands on his hips, turning his body to the woman, point the toe of the foot in her direction.
The girl seeks to show the man that she liked him, using the following gestures and poses. She can touch her hair for no reason, straighten clothes or make-up in the presence of a person she likes. One of the brightest gestures of sympathy is the following gesture: a woman turns her wrists towards the man to show her smooth and delicate skin (for example, while smoking she holds a cigarette at neck or shoulder level, exposing her wrist in the direction of the man she is interested in). In the process of walking, a woman can swing her hips openly enough to demonstrate her charms.
If a meeting with a man takes place in an informal setting, for example, in a bar or at a disco, then a woman can resort to very frank gestures. She tries to sit in such a way that her legs are visible to her chosen one. During the conversation, she shakes the slipper on her toes, puts her foot on the foot so that they line up in one line, aimed at the object of interest of the woman. If the man is not too far from the woman, then the latter can slowly twist the legs in front of the man’s eyes and also slowly return them to the opposite position, gently stroke the hips with your hand, often the woman speaks in a low, low voice.
They smiled at you? So they sympathize with you
A smile is not always an absolute indicator of sympathy. A smile may be a sign that a person needs something from you: he tries to please you, and then use his influence. How to distinguish a smile of true sympathy from other types of smiles?
A smile that expresses sympathy cannot be confused with anything. It is always symmetrical: both corners of the mouth are equally raised up. Sympathy can express both an open (with bare teeth) and a more restrained closed smile. If a person shows his teeth to you, then he makes it clear that he feels completely at ease in your company, he has nothing to hide. If the smile is sincere, then the person’s look is sincere, bright, radiating a smile.
If you notice an asymmetry in the smile (one corner of the mouth is lower than the other, or one corner is down, the other is raised), then this may be a sign of insincerity of your interlocutor. If the eyes of your companion do not laugh, while a smile shines on his face, it means that he has some selfish intentions, he wants to deceive you.
The fact that a person treats you well, sympathizes with you, says not only a smile, but also a laugh. If a person laughs in your presence, then he treats you kindly, does not hesitate to expose your emotions with you, to be open. Man's openness is a sign of sympathy.
A smile can be ironic. This is usually a twisted smile, when the head is tilted to one side, one eye can be narrowed. Such a smile is also a sign of sympathy. This is a good irony, a person treats you well, but at the moment, perhaps you look comical. Do not confuse an ironic smile with a sarcasm smile, this is a sign that your interlocutor does not respect you, but openly laughs at you. Such a smile will be distinguished by a greater curvature; a person may have an unusual squint. It is necessary to distinguish an open smile from a grin-smile, which is a sign of hidden aggression and negativity. Its distinguishing feature: a man exposes all his teeth, including the lower jaw.
There is one more danger: your interlocutor can copy your smile, without experiencing feelings of sincere sympathy for you. This can be easily determined.If your companion smiles only when you do this, it means that he is simply trying to mislead you in order to use your good-natured mood to achieve his selfish goals.
Remember that a lack of a smile is not an indication of a lack of sympathy for you. If your interlocutor looks gloomy at you, never smiling, then do not rush to immediately accuse him of antipathy, it is possible that he simply hides his sincere attitude towards you, or he is just such an unsmiling person.
"And he says he sings exactly"
You can easily determine whether your interlocutor likes you or not, if you carefully listen to how he speaks. Very often, a true attitude towards a person gives a voice.
Women have developed a certain standard of expression of sympathy with the help of voice. If she likes a man, she changes her natural, ordinary voice, begins to speak lower, sometimes even with a hoarseness. This is a sign of sexual attraction to a partner. The pace of her speech is slow enough for a man to be able to perceive the information, in addition, this is a certain signal that she sends to the male libido, a kind of verbal hypnosis: "Pay attention to how beautiful I am." Very often, melodious intonations appear in a woman’s voice, she says she’s singing. If a girl is embarrassed to express her true attitude towards a man, is afraid to be rejected, then her voice is characterized by completely different intonations: the voice can tremble, the pace of speech will be very fast, during the conversation she may be tormented by involuntary cramps in her throat, which in itself is a sign of great unrest. In addition, a girl may try (in vain) to control her voice.
Men express their desire to conquer the girl in a slightly different way. Their voice, in conversation with the girl he liked, is like the cry of a male in a battle for a female, no matter how cynical it sounds. The animal instincts wake up in a man, this is manifested in his voice. They give a kind of cry, which means: "This is my prey." With all potential competitors, he will be quite harsh, perhaps even rude to handle. As for the conversation with the one to whom he intends to give his heart, here we have the right to compare the man’s voice with the song. He begins to use his most vivid voice capabilities, trying to demonstrate himself in all its glory. If he owns the instrument and knows how to sing well, then he will certainly find an opportunity to demonstrate his talent. His voice becomes soft, soft, velvety, similar to the sounds of an unprecedented, outlandish instrument, very soft and melodious.
Nonverbal Signals of Aggression
It is very important to be able to calculate an aggressive person using non-verbal signals. By aggression we will understand not only the direct impact of force, but also a negative attitude, focus on confrontation.
The main gesture of aggression is a hand clenched into a fist. This gesture can have a different degree of aggression. If your interlocutor’s hands are stretched at the seams, while both are clenched into fists, then this is a sign of a growing negative in a person, he sets up for a duel. If the fists rise gradually, reaching chest level, then this is an alarming factor. The man took a fighting stance, prepared for the strike, and there were only a few seconds before the open manifestation of aggression. If your interlocutor begins to “scratch” his fists - he rubs the fingers of one hand with his other hand, clenched into a fist, then he is also negatively attuned to you.
If your interlocutor wraps his arms around his shoulders - this is a sign of restrained aggression. This means that a person is ready to rush into battle, but is trying to restrain himself. If you do not intend to enter into a duel with him, then, having seen such a gesture, you must change the tactics of negotiating: change the subject, change the tone.
A gesture typical for a person who is aggressive towards you is hands clasped behind your back with a grip on your wrist.This gesture is dangerous, because it is invisible to the interlocutor, if a person puts his hands behind his back, it seems that he is hiding something from you, maybe this is a weapon for the upcoming fight. But even without a weapon, this gesture, in itself, is very dangerous and means that the person clearly has bad intentions.
In order to smooth out the aggressive mood of your interlocutor, you can use the following non-verbal means. First, try to reduce the distance between you, use a tactile effect - touch a person. Remember, all your actions, movements should be extremely slow so that your interlocutor does not take them for an attack on your part. Remember also that if he is “unconditionally” aggressive, that is, he plans a fight in advance, regardless of your behavior, then no means will help you. You should think about how to interrupt your conversation and go to a safe place, giving him the opportunity to throw aggression on someone else.
A person who is aggressive is characterized by a special posture, posture and gait. These non-verbal signs will be able to betray their bellicose owner. Your task is to be able to decrypt them.
A warrior posture may testify to a person’s aggressive mood: a person widely spreads his legs in order to feel confident that there is support under his feet. Its body is slightly inclined forward. As a rule, he tries to cover certain parts of his body in case you are the first to start attacking. These sites are the most vulnerable places of a person. For men, this is the inguinal region, nose, and jaw. In women (although such a striking manifestation of aggression among women is not so popular, but still possible) it is the chest area and face.
Aggressive gait is very bright - a person walks very broadly, sometimes even jumps to get to his goal faster, while actively waving his arms, sometimes he can go on a run - this is a sign of a high degree of tension.
If you suspect your interlocutor of bad intentions, you should pay attention to his posture. If your suspicions are true, then your interlocutor is not standing straight, stretched out to his full height. He settled a little, pressed his head into his shoulders - he himself grew into the ground, became compact, now it’s convenient for him to strike. If you are sitting, then your interlocutor can stretch his neck forward and lean his shoulders back. Moreover, his head will be slightly tilted so that your forehead, the hardest part of the head, ready to take your blow will be directed towards you.
If a person does not try to hide negative emotions, then they are very easy to calculate by facial expressions. She quite eloquently reflects the emotional mood. How to determine that your interlocutor is aggressive?
Aggression is a kind of protective reaction of the body. A person begins to show aggression as soon as he realizes that he is much inferior to you in some things. It can be a product of anger, hatred, envy. Perhaps your interlocutor is weaker than you in oratory, does not have the talent for persuasion, understands his intellectual inferiority, therefore, in the absence of other arguments, he has a desire to defeat you in an accessible way to him - by force.
Facial expressions of aggression are very active - these are eyebrows shifted to the nose, swelling nostrils, swaying cheekbones, sometimes with gritting teeth, very tightly compressed lips. These are mimic signs that your interlocutor is very aggressive. Not always these mimic signals are reflected on the face all together, most often there is one or two signs. If on the face of your interlocutor you notice at least one of the above signals, beware - he is not very happy with you.
Pay particular attention to the look. An aggressive person's gaze eloquently narrates that its owner is ready to tear to pieces his opponent.This is a very heavy, piercing look, so the predator looks at his prey, preparing for an attack.
Aggressive mood of a person can be calculated by the way he speaks to you. His words are like blows: sharp, clear sounds between which there are long enough pauses. Reluctance to engage in dialogue with you can also be a manifestation of covert aggression.
If a person is aggressive, he usually increases the volume of his voice. And he does it unconsciously, either in order to provoke you to actions beneficial for him, or to intimidate. Perhaps your opponent does not have a competent verbal argument, so he is trying to explain his point of view in other ways, that is, he does not resort to the power of the word, but to the volume of his voice.
He is trying to “intelligibly”, at a slow pace, explain his point of view. As a rule, he does not succeed. In fact, he provokes you, trying, as they say, to “run over”: “Do I understand incomprehensibly?” All this is done in order to cause fright in his interlocutor, to gain an advantage over the fight. He will try to provoke, using neglectful and caustic intonations, giggles, grins.
An aggressive-minded person is characterized by a decrease in the timbre of his voice, the use of lower keys, intonations, sometimes with hoarseness. Such voice changes also have the purpose to frighten the interlocutor.
Sometimes aggression does not have time to develop into a fight, and a person breaks down to a cry. A person holding back aggression is in a state of intense tension. If you never gave him a reason to use force, then this will not reduce his stress. And he still needs a discharge. Very often, such a discharge occurs in the form of a scream. This is also a kind of non-verbal form of aggression. If he broke into a cry, then it is unlikely to apply force to you. He simply did not have the strength to fight. In such a situation, you better wait until his anger subsides and he calms down.
You can try to relieve tension of your interlocutor using non-verbal signals. Use the power of your voice to calm and defuse it. You must speak slowly, gently, affectionately, as if to lull, to lull his vigilance. You can say anything you like, for example, insist on your opinion, which unsettled him, but on non-verbal signals he should read the following: “Do not be afraid of me. I am your friend. Calm down. Do not worry. It's better to be friends with me. ” If you are able to correctly use your voice capabilities, then your aggressive-minded interlocutor will submit to you, die his ardor, his aggression will go away or will be turned in a different direction.
How to use knowledge of non-verbal language in practice?
How to hide cheating?
You can hide the untruth, convince the interlocutor that you are sincere with him if you learn to control your body. It is important to choose gestures, facial expressions that will not give the interlocutor any new information, except the one that you give him verbally, then you will master the art of manipulation.
Pay attention to the gestures you use in everyday life - they are your main traitor, they give out your thoughts and feelings. Almost anyone will figure out your deception if you keep your hands at your mouth and hide your eyes. These bright signals of lies are known even to a child. Therefore, be careful - do not do what may betray your deception. In order not to betray yourself, you must very carefully monitor your hands, body, facial expressions. Follow the rule: no unnecessary movements. At first, it will be very difficult to do without hands, because we are so used to helping ourselves nonverbally in the process of speech, that it will be very difficult to get rid of this habit. But you must force yourself, otherwise you will be bitten.
Unlearning how to gesticulate and change facial expression is difficult, but realistically, it will be even harder to learn to hide the involuntary reactions of your body. These include breath holding, increased heart rate, body trembling. There are techniques that allow you to hide these signs of fraud.
You must train your body so that it does not betray your deception. Ask someone from your family or friends to be tested on a lie detector at home. Your partner should be at a very close distance from you and take your heart rate while holding your hand on your wrist. Let it control you in everything, monitor your breathing, changes in facial expressions. He then asks you some questions. The first two or three questions should be the most elementary, for example, “What is your favorite dish?”, “Are you an early bird or an owl?” To which you will answer without difficulty. But the next question is provocative, for example: “Have you ever lied to your friends?” You are unlikely to answer this question without changing your face. The list of questions should not be known to you, otherwise the experiment will lose its meaning. Continue the experiment until your interlocutor ceases to notice changes in your state. You can train long enough until you learn to control your body. You may not be able to deceive a real lie detector, but you will be able to hide your deception from a living person.
How to protect yourself from the attacks of others
You can protect yourself from the attacks of others using non-verbal gestures of protection. As soon as you feel threatened by others, be it manipulation, aggression, negative emotions, you need to take action.
In order to repulse the attack of a manipulator or an aggressive-minded person, you must first keep your distance and not let a dangerous person into your personal space. You can maintain your independence and avoid its influence if you leave on time or manage to keep it far from you. Suppose, at a meeting, a person expects to say hello to you and thus invade your space, and you are sure that he has bad intentions, for example, he decided to deceive or outwit you, you should dodge a hug or a kiss in any way possible and not allow ill-wisher in his intimate zone.
Do not let a person who has bad intentions tolerate non-verbal familiarities like patting on the shoulder or patting his cheek. Try to avoid this kind of contact. You can take signs of attention on his part, but do it very carefully so as not to fall under his influence.
If you feel that a threat is coming from a person, you should look away, look at another object. The fact is that prolonged eye contact with such a person is very dangerous, because an experienced manipulator can hypnotize you, convince you of something against your will. Therefore, try to look away, do not look closely at your interlocutor.
You can make it clear to a person that you don’t intend to obey him, you don’t want to enter into a long open conversation with him. To do this, you can use closed gestures: cross your arms over your chest or put them in your pockets. You can make it clear to your interlocutor that do not burn with the desire to continue the conversation, constantly looking at the clock.
How to impress at a meeting
As they say, we meet by clothes, and we accompany them to the mind. Even before you start talking, they are already beginning to evaluate you. You can gain the trust of your interlocutor if you learn to use those non-verbal means that can only tell good things about you.
To make an impression, remember a few rules. The first rule. Appearance: you must be careful, restrained in details, not too pedantic.If in doubt, which style to give preference, then opt for the classic version - it is always a win-win option. Pay special attention to accessories, they make your style unique, talk about your personality.
You can rehearse your appearance in front of the mirror - practice your gait and greeting. Do you want to impress? There is nothing easier. Learn how to walk. Previously, in order to make their gait and posture beautiful, girls carried jugs of water on their heads. In our time, this tradition is outdated. But you can use a similar technique, not only to girls and women, but also to the stronger sex. Put a few books on your head and walk so that these books do not fall. You should achieve the following effect: with a quick move, not a single book will fall off your head. Gradually, you can increase the load.
The gait of a woman is her personality. She can tell a lot about her owner. For example, an active wagging of the hips indicates that the girl is too frivolous, trying to attract the attention of men. If a girl paces like a steadfast tin soldier, she is most likely unfriendly, awkward. A woman's gait should be soft, smooth, with "plastic panther before the jump." If your gait is not good enough, you should adjust it. There is a known method of Marilyn Monroe, and from her walk many men lost their heads. Remember that it is heels that make a woman a woman. If you don’t wear high-heeled shoes, then it’s time to start. There is a legend that Marilyn Monroe had a heel on one of the shoes slightly lower than the other, so she had to walk very slowly due to this inconvenience, smoothly shaking her hips.
A man should have a confident gait, with a wide step, but without waving his arms. It is advisable to keep your feet firmly in order to give the impression of a self-confident person who knows his own worth, on whom you can rely.
The ritual of greeting is also very important in creating a first impression. When meeting, you must follow the rules and norms of etiquette, for example, if you go to a business meeting, you should not hug your companion at a meeting or kiss on the cheek. For such cases, a quiet handshake is suitable. A handshake is a standard greeting ritual that can be used by women at a business meeting. A handshake should not be too short, but it should not have the goal of gaining a leadership position, for which some people deliberately hold their partner’s hand for too long - this is considered bad form. A kiss on the cheek is a greeting that can be used when meeting two friends or on a first date with a man. Make this kiss just a light touch. Some girls kiss the air so as not to spoil their makeup and not dirty their interlocutor. But this is considered a sign of disrespect and bad taste. If you have bright red lipstick on your lips, you can warn about it or offer a disposable handkerchief to wipe the print.
If you fulfill these conditions, then consider that the victory is in your pocket, they will immediately begin to take you more seriously, they will consider you a pleasant person in all respects.
How to speak successfully in public?
Speaking for a large audience is a very responsible matter. To succeed in such a difficult matter, you need not only to prepare your speech well, but also to think about what non-verbal signs you will use.
When preparing for a public appearance, you must remember the main rule - nothing in you should be annoying. When choosing clothes for a performance, you should give preference to the classical style, from a variety of colors and shades, opt for a black and white palette, which, on the one hand, is bright and noticeable, and on the other, does not irritate the eye.Your outfit should not be vulgar, screaming, shocking. Let it attract the attention of the audience just enough to make you clearly visible, so that you do not merge with the background. Your clothes should not be too unusual, attracting attention, otherwise the audience will look at your costume throughout your speech, and not listen to your words.
For your performance, you choose a convenient place. Of course, if this is an organized event, then the organizers will do it for you. But if crowding is an impromptu rally or gathering, then you should take care of where it is best to get up. Find a place so that you can be seen from any position. You can climb a chair, or a table, or any elevation. You have to be a cut above all that the public felt that you have some advantage. You should be visible from all sides, so that you can use the entire arsenal of non-verbal means of influencing the audience.
You must master the science of attracting attention. How to do it? It is best to use non-verbal means. Your gestures should resemble the gestures of an actor on a large stage. The following gestures are usually used for speaking at public events.
You can spread your arms, as if to open your arms. This gesture has a symbolic meaning: “I am your patron. If you have any problems, then I will solve them. ” To attract the attention of the audience, raise your hand up and hold it until silence reigns. This gesture means: “Quiet! I will speak". This is a very bright, eloquent gesture that can be used not only at the beginning of the performance, but also in the middle, if, for example, you feel that your attention is being scattered. Any gesture you use should be bright, big, noticeable. Small gestures for speaking in public will look kutse, no one will see them. If, for example, you intend to use the enumerating gesture, then you should raise your hand to face level, spread your fingers wide and bend them, making a large swing with the other hand.
Learn how to use your voice data. There is an opinion that for a large audience you should always speak loudly. In fact, you should not always resort to a loud voice - so you quickly get tired. Just speak clearly and pause to make your words understandable. In exceptional cases, you can go to a whisper. The audience will think that you are reporting something important, revealing a secret, and will listen.
How to attract attention in a group?
To attract attention in a group is more difficult than to attract the attention of a large audience. First, by attracting an audience, you attract mass, attracting attention in a group, you attract the attention of different individuals, each of which has its own point of view.
In order to attract attention in a group, you must use special, chamber, gestures aimed at attracting the attention of a large audience. Communicating in a small group, do not scream, do not wave your arms to gain confidence. We compared the behavior of a person who performs in public with the behavior of an actor: performing in a group is akin to playing an actor on a small stage, close to real life.
If you plan to say something important to the members of the group, first you need to organize the group in such a way that everyone can hear and see you. If the group is fragmented, consider gathering everyone in a circle or sitting at a table. So you can rally some unity around you.
Communicating with a large audience, you, of course, will not be able to review all the participants, but if you have a small group, then you should take turns paying attention to each participant. Look at one member of the group, then at the other, so that no one feels deprived of your attention.Eye contact will help you feel each person, notice the reaction to your words. If you look from one person to another, the whole group will be under your control. In addition, each member of the group will feel that you are speaking specifically for him.
What can you learn about a person who is silent?
The character is laid in a walk
Gait is the physiognomy of the body, according to Balzac. By a person’s gait, you can determine not only his gender and age, but also his mood, character, social affiliation. How to determine the value of gait?
Let's start with the simplest thing - with the walk of a confident person. If a person walks smoothly, directly, swiftly, the pace of his steps is fast, this indicates the confidence of the owner of such a walk. If a person shuffles his legs, his arms dangle out of time, and his head is lowered, it feels like he is going to be executed or carries a heavy burden, this indicates a feeling of disorder, deep depression. Perhaps the person is in a state of crisis or he will not have a very pleasant meeting. Therefore, if you notice that a person is going to meet you, shuffling his legs, this may indicate his unwillingness to see you, he does this as necessary.
A bouncing gait (a person, as it were, springing on his legs) can have a double meaning. The first one. The direct meaning of such a walk is a happy, unclouded mood, joyful events take place in a person’s life, he is happy and cheerful, cheerful, and positive-minded. The second meaning is more hidden: a person intentionally tries to be cheerful and carefree, although in fact he is somewhat oppressed. Calculating imaginary joy is very easy, just pay attention to facial expressions and gestures.
If a person does not bend his knees, walks on bent legs, this may be evidence of his venerable age and pain in the joints, but if the owner of such a gait is young, then this feature suggests that he is unsure of himself, closed, suspicious.
If a person strongly throws his legs to the sides, his hands can rest in his pockets, or support his sides, his posture resembles the letter "F". This is either a sign of excessive self-confidence or carelessness, lack of employment, constant idleness. He paces in this way, because he simply has nowhere to rush, he is not burdened with any duties.
When walking, a cautious person often steps on his heels and rolls lightly on his toe, you will never see him leaning on his whole foot. He is cautious in everything, including his walk.
If a person knocks with his feet very hard while walking, this means that he wants to attract as much attention as possible. He feels himself a very significant person, wanting to loudly announce his appearance.
About women's gait should be discussed separately. By the way a woman moves, you can determine her goal, attitude. If a woman walks slowly, taking small steps, smoothly swings her hips, then she is currently tuned to search for a companion, her goal is to attract surrounding men.
If a woman walks confidently, beating off with heels, her hips go from side to side very sharply, this indicates her disposition for business communication. This is a solid, business woman who is unlikely to easily give up her principles.
A woman moves from one leg to another, which means she has not learned to use the most important female tool - gait. Such a woman is used to doing housework. Her destiny is home, life, family. Perhaps she is a mother of many children.
If a woman minces her legs, she walks swiftly, waving her arms strongly, practically not swinging her hips, this is a sign of emancipation. With her gait, she tries to resemble a man, she is not at all interested in the attention of the stronger sex.
Stoop is a sign of suspiciousness
In this chapter we will talk about the relationship: posture - the nature of the person, posture - the mood of the person. It is widely believed that direct posture is a sign of not only aristocracy, but also a sufficient degree of self-confidence, and vice versa, stoop is a sign of insecurity, reaching suspicion.
Good posture is developed over the years, this is not only a properly formed skeleton in childhood, but a sign of your self-confidence, in your abilities, that you will achieve your goal. Slouching indicates that a person is shackled, notorious, insecure, stooping, he is trying to close himself from the world - this is a defense pose.
Good posture is not only a reflection of character, but also a momentary mood, a fleeting emotional outburst. You probably noticed that it’s worth telling a person good news how his shoulders straighten right there, he straightens his back in order to appear in front of the world in all its glory. And we see a completely different picture if we inform a person of unpleasant news: he immediately bends twice, thus trying to hide from troubles.
If a person is accustomed to standing and walking, slightly twisting, lowering one shoulder, raising the other, then this is a sign of inconstancy, perhaps he does not have clear principles, he is two-faced, prone to lies. He may be characterized by buffoonery, a desire to hide his true nature or to emphasize his dissimilarity. Asymmetry of the body is evidence that your interlocutor is not a completely sincere person, he is used to lying. If a person sticks his chest forward, this can mean excessive narcissism, self-confidence and pride. Man, as it were, flaunts his virtues. If the back half of the body is set back, and the upper one strives forward, this indicates a person’s curiosity, his desire to learn everything first.
Keep your personal area locked
Depending on how far it is convenient for a person to communicate, he may have different intentions. If a person is used to communicating with you at a far distance, this means that he is not very comfortable in your company, if he came too close, he may have bad intentions.
There are several areas of interaction between people. The far interaction zone is a zone from 1 meter to 70 cm. The close contact zone is 70–50 cm. Less than 50 cm of the distance between people is an intimate contact.
If a person feels comfortable enough at a far distance from you, he is always no closer than 70 cm and, in any attempt to reduce this distance, tries to move away or interrupt the conversation - he is not disposed to a confidential conversation with you. Most likely he does not intend to enter into friendly relations with you. Perhaps he is just unpleasant to talk to you.
If a person occupies a position from 70 to 50 cm from you, know that this is the most comfortable interaction zone. It allows the interlocutors to perceive each other well, without violating the personal zone. This suggests that your interlocutor knows the rules and norms of etiquette, in addition, he treats you well, he is quite comfortable with you. Although this person is not positioned toward you enough to invade your intimate space and allow you into his own, he prefers to stay at a safe distance, an acceptable norm of decency.
If a person seeks to violate your personal zone, you should be wary - he may have bad intentions. Of course, if this person is your close friend or relative, then there is nothing reprehensible in his actions. We always welcome people close to us, invading their personal space with a kiss or hug.
But if a person is little familiar to you and immediately seeks to violate your personal zone, this is an alarming signal. Perhaps he wants to use your trust to manipulate you.In such cases, you should act immediately. If you notice that a person who is not very familiar to you, in the process of communication, is trying to reduce the distance between you by less than 50 cm, you must do everything to prevent this. Leave without explanation or try to create some kind of barrier between you, so that your obsessive interlocutor could not get too close to you, for example, get behind the fence, close the door, use the help of a third person, which can also become a symbolic barrier.
An important source of information about your interlocutor is another non-verbal signal - its position in space. This non-verbal signal indicates the intentions of the interlocutor. The most common arrangement of two people during a conversation is opposite each other. If your partner is trying to change this situation, trying to stand up or sit on the side, this may indicate that the person wants to establish closer contact with you, to become a closer person for you. But be careful if a person, changing position, tries to get away from your gaze. Your interlocutor can specifically sit on your side so that you can’t control him, follow his involuntary reactions.
There is another point in changing the position of your interlocutor. Suppose that a tension arose during a conversation, a conflict has ripened, in order to avoid its development, your interlocutor can intentionally sit next to you in order to remove the apparent opposition of the parties, which is expressed by the fact that you are on opposite sides of the barricades, as if sitting or standing opposite each other. Sitting down or standing next to you, a person seeks to reduce the conflict to nothing. It is also a signal that he is ready to compromise.
Rule number 43
Laughter helps people
Laughter has many masks. A man laughs to relieve tension, to gain someone's trust, to please someone, not to be afraid. In order to understand this variety, you need to know the characteristics of each type of laughter. Let's see what human laughter means.
Laughter, like a smile, can be bright, open or restrained, closed. Each type has its own distinctive features. With an open laugh, the teeth are bare, sometimes open. If your interlocutor in your presence laughs as described above, you can congratulate yourself, you are a very charming interlocutor, your partner is very comfortable in your company. It is located to you, configured for trust.
If in your company a person laughs with a closed laugh, without opening his lips, tries to restrain the impulses of laughter, while the air flow is directed through the nose, the effect of the nose laughs, which doesn’t sound very nice, is a sign that the person is embarrassed in your society, he I’m not ready to open myself, to reveal my emotions. Perhaps you have not recognized each other enough. Or perhaps you just do not have the talent to gain the trust of others.
If a person begins to restrain his laughter, he is not configured to contact you. Perhaps this is a sign that your interlocutor is a closed person by nature, is not used to trusting others with his emotions, does not want to show all his ins and outs.
If a person’s laughter resembles a giggle, this suggests that his possessor is a secretive, possibly lying nature, he will never tell you the whole truth, even if there is no need for lies.
If a person constantly laughs, regardless of whether he is funny or not, trying to seem cheerful and cheeky, then perhaps laughter is a mask that helps him fight a bunch of complexes. Most likely, by nature, such a person is modest and timid. Laughter is a peculiar way of protection.If a person laughs at everything, ironizes, this is not necessarily a sign of a cheerful disposition, but only a desire to hide his shortcomings, anger, envy, negative emotions.
If a person laughs with a chest, low laugh (laughter of cartoon villains), this is a sign of superiority. Perhaps the person does not have good intentions. Such laughter can even scare. But, most likely, your interlocutor wants to scare you with laughter, because he can not do it differently. He is not dangerous for you.
If a person laughs out of place, often, when not at all funny, this is a sign that this is a very emotional person, prone to nervousness. Perhaps your interlocutor is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, cats scratching his soul, and he is thus trying to relieve stress. With the owner of such a nervous, very sharp, laughter-like laugh, you need to be careful, if you make an unsuccessful joke or say something not very pleasant, he can not stand it and break loose: the explosion of laughter can be replaced by a tantrum.
Rule number 44
What can one say about a person in the manner of smoking?
The method of smoking is a kind of language, the alphabet by which an experienced cryptographer can calculate the smoker's mood, his thoughts, and the decision made. Each gesture of a smoker is individual, but there are universal ways to prove yourself in the manner of smoking.
By the way in which the smoker emits smoke, we can conclude about his decision. If the smoke stream is directed down, then your interlocutor made a negative decision, he intends to refuse you. If the jet goes up, then its resolution will be positive. If the smoke is directed to the side, then most likely your interlocutor is still between the two lights, he has not made a final decision.
By the way a person holds a cigarette, you can determine his mood, intentions. The smoker holds a cigarette, while clenching his hand in a fist, which means that he is in a bad mood, he is trying to hide his emotions from the interlocutor, does not intend to reveal his true thoughts, maybe he was planning something. If the cigarette is between the outstretched middle and index fingers, this is a sign that your interlocutor is confident, tuned in to contact, talking with him can be productive. If a woman holds a cigarette while turning her wrist toward the man, this may be a flirtation signal, so she flirts with the man.
A very important characteristic of a smoker is how quickly he smokes. If he smokes very quickly, while drastically drawing in cigarette smoke, this indicates that he is used to leading a very active lifestyle, does everything on the run, always in a hurry, in a hurry. He is always swift in action. If a person smokes slowly, this is a sign that he is used to living in a measured, unhurried rhythm. He always has a minute or two to stop before a choice and reflect. This person is a thinker: thinks a lot, analyzes. A person is emotionally balanced, perhaps related to the creative profession, where one of the important processes is the thought process.
If a person smokes, while closing his eyes, then this indicates that the person is deep in thought, concentrated on his thoughts. Better not to pester him with questions.
If a person releases smoke in the form of a thin stream, then this may be a sign of his determination, perhaps temperament. He is used to making important decisions, he knows what a burden of responsibility is. If a person releases cigarette smoke smoothly, lets out smoke “rings”, he is prone to melancholy, thoughtful, and by nature soft and less decisive.
Lack of taste in clothing - a desire to stand out or disrespect for others?
What does accuracy in the appearance of your interlocutor mean? This may be a sign that he wants to be favorably different from other people, or testify to his good attitude towards others, about the desire to be appreciated.
In some ways, the appearance is a reflection of a person’s mood, in appearance you can also determine what a person is, how he relates to himself. If a person in years prefers an informal, teenage style of clothing, this is evidence that he has not matured as a person.Perhaps this is a way of protecting against the attacks of others, from their possible condemnation: "I'm still too young, so do not judge me for my mistakes." The desire to always remain a child, infantilism in the style of clothing indicates that a person is not ready to independently answer for their actions.
If a person prefers to dress brightly and pretentiously, then this is evidence that he seeks to be visible among the gray, monotonous mass of people, he wants his efforts to be appreciated. Perhaps he seeks to take a leadership position. Such clothing can also serve as protection against others, since behind it a person can hide his true "I". This happens when personal data, a person’s character does not meet his expectations, he puts on a mask, hides his natural shyness and modesty behind bright clothes. Sometimes this technique works, and a person, timid and unsure of himself, turns into a mature and very strong personality.
Sports style is the desire to look as confident and successful person as possible easily and simply. On the one hand, clothing gives confidence, and on the other hand, it requires a minimum of effort. Sportswear does not need special care, it is easy and comfortable for everyone. But if the sports style prevails in your wardrobe, you may not have a very favorable impression, you will be perceived as a lazy person who wants to simplify everything to the limit.
The classic style of clothing is the most convenient and suitable option for all occasions. It is definitely suitable in any situation and will not annoy anyone. You do not want to seem better in advance than you are, do not make allowances for your own insolvency, declaring with your appearance that you are not capable of performing the difficult work. They will take you seriously, they will pay attention not to how you are dressed, but to your personal qualities. You will interest others as a person, and not as a mannequin on which the latest couture novelties are worn.
If negligence is present in your clothes, this may be a tribute to fashion, an expression of your worldview, but first of all, it is a sign of disrespect for others. If you do not pay enough attention to your appearance, then you are trying to cross out all the foundations and rules that you came up with. If, dressing casually, you expect to conquer everyone with your extravagance, to shock others in this way, then this is not always appropriate and correct in relation to others. Remember that shocking in clothes is permissible when you are already known, you are a celebrity about whom there is already a certain opinion. Figures show business is allowed everything. Shocking is their responsibility, otherwise interest in them will be lost. If you do not belong to this category of people, then coming to a business meeting or party where few people know you, dressing against the established rules, is prohibited. You risk spending the whole evening alone, frightening all potential interlocutors.
Excessive pedantry is also not recommended. If you are dressed too well, you will be wearing a strict suit, with buttons buttoned to the top, then this can also scare others. This, by the way, indicates a lack of personality. Choosing a classic style, try to bring your vision into a classic suit: to emphasize your individuality, you can use watches, glasses or other fashion accessories, high-heeled shoes, then you will impress.
Rule No. 46
Rings, earrings, brooches - the best tips
Very often, we do not pay attention to the jewelry that a person wears; by this we make a big mistake. The ability to choose the right jewelry for your outfit speaks not only about the sense of taste. Jewelry can tell a lot about its owner. The main thing is to be able to read the "tips" that are worn on the person.
Man, choosing jewelry, expresses his personality. If the choice of clothes, style, color may indicate not so much about human preferences, but about following fashion, then the choice of decoration is a very individual moment. A person always chooses what corresponds to his character, personality.
It is known that everyone tends to wear jewelry with stones that are more suitable for him. Each stone is unique in its properties and suits a person with a certain set of qualities. Here are just a few stone-character matches.
If you notice your interlocutor’s addiction to jewelry with pearls, this may indicate that he seeks purity, femininity, and innocence. It is also a stone of knowledge, it is possible that your interlocutor is a “hidden” intellectual. You noticed that a pendant with an emerald is hanging on the chest of your companion, pay attention to it. This is a stone of fidelity. According to legend, it breaks up with adultery. This person, under any circumstances, remains true to his traditions and principles. It is believed that the stone helps only a person with a clear conscience, and interferes with the false and hypocritical in the implementation of their plans. We noticed a brooch with a ruby on the chest; this jewelry cannot be evidence of virtue. Ruby brings strength to any person. All who turn to him for help, as a rule, get it. But you should be careful, because if a person has bad intentions, this may mean that he will succeed. Aquamarine is a stone of lovers, if your interlocutor has jewelry with this stone, then most likely his heart is not free. A diamond is a very good talisman, if your partner has such a stone, then perhaps he is trying to protect himself from the attacks of others, he is afraid that he might be offended. If a person prefers pomegranate, this indicates that he thinks about his health, this is a stone of health and well-being. Turquoise is a very active stone. It is believed that it is worn by very confident and goal-oriented people.
The abundance of jewelry indicates that your interlocutor wants to stand out, he has a bright personality or its absence and tries to compensate for this gap with jewelry. If there are no jewelry at all, then this suggests that a person is devoid of individuality, does not know how to choose jewelry for himself, he is simply faceless.
The smell of perfume betrays a person’s temperament
You probably noticed that each person chooses his own smell to his liking. The choice of perfume is an exclusively individual choice that can tell a lot about a person. If you have a good instinct, are able to distinguish one smell from another, then you can use our advice and determine the nature of a person by his perfume.
There is an opinion that the perfume is selected in order to please others, to ennoble its own smell, but it is impossible for everyone to like it, so a person, choosing perfumes, focuses on his own taste. You won’t be able to wear a smell that you don’t like, even if most people prefer it. Therefore, the choice of smell is exclusively your individual choice.
If a person prefers sweet, floral and fruity aromas, he smells of some tropical fruit or exotic flower, this suggests that the person is an extrovert, he is open enough for others and is ready to share his emotions. Most likely, this choice of perfume suits people of sanguine temperament who are always happy to attract attention and are quite balanced emotionally.
If a person prefers fresh, but muffled, calm aromas (aloe, sea breeze, fresh fruits - lemons or apples), this means that he is an introvert, closed from others, not ready for a trusting relationship with the first comer.Communicates with a stranger very wary, fearful. It never opens right away. He is calm enough, unemotional. This choice suggests that the person is either a melancholic or a phlegmatic person.
If a person likes a bright, sharp aroma, then this is a sign of high emotionality. A rich and bright aroma is chosen by people who want to be noticed, they try to prove themselves in everything, including a very strong, sometimes repulsive smell. Such a choice is typical for choleric people - people who are prone to sharp emotional changes, but at the same time who are fairly fluent in contact.
A man with glasses is an occasion for reflection.
If a person wears glasses, then this can tell a lot about his nature. The choice of glasses, manipulations with them are, as a rule, not random actions, but non-verbal signals that will tell a lot about a person if you learn to decipher them.
If a person wears glasses with tinted glasses in the absence of wind or sun, then this may indicate the secrecy of his nature, his fear of others. He is trying to hide his eyes, because he feels uncomfortable communicating with you.
Sometimes a person wears glasses instead of contact lenses in order to appear smarter, more solid. If a person believes that his appearance is not suitable enough to achieve his goals, or if he is not confident in his intellectual or leadership qualities, he uses other means to gain the respect of others, including putting on glasses, creating an image of a respectable and successful person .
Glasses are also a way to demonstrate one’s attitude towards others, about what the conversation is about, and with the help of glasses you can find out the intentions of the interlocutor. If a person constantly takes off his glasses and wipes the glass, this is a sign that he is pulling time. Perhaps he is trying to ponder your proposal, to find arguments in order to convince you. If he took off his glasses and defiantly put them in a case or put them in a bag, this indicates that he intends to leave in the near future, since he already understood everything for himself and does not make sense to continue the conversation.
If a person takes off his glasses and gnaws at a darling of glasses, this indicates that he is in a state of reflection, is considering your proposal, perhaps at this moment he is not listening to you. If he plays with glasses, then constantly shifting them from hand to hand - this is evidence that he feels awkward, trying to find a topic for conversation. A person who is used to controlling others often uses glasses as a pointer and points them at objects or simply waves them. If a person draws all kinds of circles or other figures with glasses - this is a signal that you are already pretty tired of him and it’s time to finish the conversation.
If a person puts on glasses when meeting you, this is not a very tactful gesture, it can even be categorized as bad gestures expressing neglect and disrespect. Thus, a person makes you understand that he is going to study you in detail, in detail. Such a gesture is permissible only if the holder of the glasses is very elderly. This is also a sign of mistrust: "I do not trust you, so I will follow you very carefully to convict you of deception."
Rule No. 49
7 colors of the rainbow - 7 types of people
According to some psychologists, the choice of color is closely related to the main personality traits of a person. Indeed, colors reflect our inner world and affect our mood - give energy and joy to life, or, conversely, depress, irritate and cause depression.
Therefore, for our well-being it is very important what colors we surround ourselves with. Scientists and psychologists have created several theories on how color affects a person and how colors correspond to a particular type of person.Nevertheless, we are convinced that, due to the uniqueness of each of us, it is always much more objective to trust our intuition. Nevertheless, we will check how the scientific version matches your feelings.
If you notice your interlocutor’s addiction to burgundy and dark red, this suggests that you have a confident person in front of you, hidden passion and sexuality in him. If your interlocutor prefers red, then he is ambitious, and clearly demonstrates this to others. He declares directly and openly that he is striving to become a leader. Of course, clothes will not be able to help him in this if he does not possess leadership qualities. If your companion is an ardent supporter of orange-colored clothing, then most likely he is a man of action: he does not strive for victory by tricks and tricks, but is ready for real actions in order to succeed.
If your interlocutor prefers clothes of yellow tones, then this is a sign of his intelligence. It also means that he leads an active lifestyle and a very outstanding personality. Supporters of the green color - people are very cautious, they belong to the category of contemplators and thinkers, but not people of action. If your partner’s favorite color is blue, this is a sign of creativity and sensitivity. There is a gap between a person who prefers blue shades and reality, he lives in a fantasy world. If the darker shades of blue are dark blue and purple, then this is a sign that your interlocutor is independent and has an extraordinary mind. Lovers of purple have a very developed intuition.
Black, gray and white fall out of the rainbow spectrum, which consists of 7 colors, but we will also say a few words about the supporters of these colors. If black clothes appear in the wardrobe from time to time, then this may mean that a person is trying to control himself, he has a strong opinion and current position. If black is predominant, this may indicate a person’s desire to hide from others, his desire to get away from people, his self-doubt. Gray is the color of hyperresponsible and right people. If your interlocutor prefers white, this is a sign that you have a person who is striving for justice. If there is too much white, this is a sign of your own inferiority or a painful sense of superiority over others.
What can gestures tell us?
Many years ago, in their works, scientists and famous scientists wrote that by the movements of the human body one can understand the mood, as well as the semantic message, but the question of body languages and gestures was studied much later. The first figure in this area was the American scientist and psychologist Paul Ekman, who in 1954 studied the language of facial expressions and gestures in people.
If a person wants to know how his opponent is sincere and open in communication, psychology highlights the special gestures of openness.
- during the conversation, the opponent gesticulates and holds his hands with his palms up (if you look at the children when they are guilty, they tend to have their hands behind their backs or lowering their palms down),
- during an open and honest conversation, the interlocutor will be close to the opponent, gradually reducing the distance between him and himself,
- during business negotiations, a good sign would be unbuttoning opponents buttons on a jacket,
- straightened legs speak of honest and sincere conversation.
Separately, psychology considers non-verbal closed gestures, which manifest themselves in the form of protection from the interlocutor due to hostility, negative mood and hypocrisy. Closed gestures include the following manifestations:
- Crossing of arms in the chest area, which demonstrates self-doubt and hostility to the interlocutor,
- the interlocutor sits with his legs crossed, but not because of convenience and comfort, but because he is blocking himself from an unpleasant opponent,
- “Incomplete barrier”, when a person bends one arm at the elbow and presses it to the body, and straightens the other and puts it on the knee, showing caution and distrust in a non-verbal way.
Psychologists note that the body language forms your personality, therefore it is extremely important during negotiations or interviews to monitor your body, avoiding closed gestures. An experienced person immediately recognizes a negative mood, self-doubt, excitement or hostility in relation to oneself, even if a person verbally behaves impeccably.
One can also understand the body language of a man or woman in love by non-verbal manifestations of the body and gestures. Psychologists say that women are more likely to have pronounced erotic gestures, but men are characterized by restraint and control over emotions. I am the language of the woman’s body suggests the following manifestations:
- a demonstration of the wrist, for example, during smoking, when a woman turns her hand outward, showing the inside of the wrist,
- touching the hair, twisting curls or stroking them, tipping the hair back,
- licking lips and ajar mouth during conversation and even silence,
- removing the shoe and swaying the foot, which attracts the attention of the opposite sex,
- direct eye-to-eye look, smile, during eye contact, the eyes first fall down, and then are diverted to the side,
- stroking hands on knees, hips, calves,
- crossing between the ankles of the legs.
Such oral methods of flirting and flirting, of course, are inherent in the female sex, since by their nature and temperament they are prone to playful communication and luring a partner. Men in this regard act directly and without hints, so a guy in love can be recognized by his actions.
The most demanded question is how to recognize a lie by non-verbal signs, since in modern society every second person does not shy away from lies for the benefit of himself. Psychologists say that most liars during this behavior give themselves out with several gestures, for example:
- the hands are involuntarily drawn to the face, a person can cover his mouth, touch his lips, chin, while listening, the interlocutor covers his mouth because of mistrust,
- pronounced gesture of lying - touching the nose,
- hiding the truth is manifested by scratching the upper eyelid,
- if a person does not agree with the opponent’s opinion, but is afraid to say it directly, he can scratch his neck,
- touching the earlobes indicates that the listener does not believe his interlocutor.
The most common and well-known sign of lies is to look away to the side, fear of direct eye contact. In fact, scientists have proved that this is a false judgment, averting eyes is a natural phenomenon, during memories a person will look away to the left or up, and in the course of fantasies and fiction - up or right.
Visually assess the mood of the interlocutor can be by his gestures and facial expressions, so psychologists separately consider gestures of aggression and hostility. For instance:
- clenching your hands into fists,
- throwing your arms to the side speaks of decisiveness and a mood for action,
- sitting on a chair in a “riding” pose is an indicator of a negative attitude towards an opponent,
- folding hands behind the back.
It is actually very difficult to hide the signs and gestures of aggression and pronounced hostility towards a certain person, as these are strong emotions, the control of which needs to be studied long and hard.
Value in psychology
Psychology sees body and sign language as hidden true desires, intentions and thoughts of a person pouring out. This statement is true, because, communicating with each other, people involuntarily gesticulate, touch their faces, put their feet on their feet.In each movement, experts reveal a hidden meaning that not everyone wants to express in words.
Gestures say a lot
Interesting. If you can read the messages of the body, you can be able to recognize the lies, confusion and even love on the part of the interlocutor in time.
If in communication a person feels insecure and irritable, it will be extremely difficult to hide such a state. Most likely, nervousness will be manifested by the following gestures:
- teens start biting their nails
- an adult can nibble on a pen or pencil, bang them on the table, drum on his fingers,
- running eyes are a consequence of anxiety
- frequent changes in body position and fussiness indicate irritability and nervousness.
In this state, breathing quickens, the gaze cannot concentrate on one thing, and it will be quite difficult for a person to control his body.
Some specific gestures will tell you how to understand body language in order to find out how interesting the person is to the conversation. For instance:
- during communication, the interlocutor puts his head in the palm of his hands,
- boring conversation may be accompanied by tapping the feet on the floor,
- engaging in another action, for example, drawing on a piece of paper, twisting a pen or other object in his hand, glancing at the phone or watch, examining his own hands, and many others.
Thus, we can conclude that an uninteresting conversation will be accompanied by a lack of stable eye contact between opponents and extraneous actions.
It is imperative for some people to recognize by gestures how much a particular person trusts him. Psychologists call several reliable gestures, indicating full trust and emancipation of the interlocutor, namely:
- while listening to a speech, the interlocutor will periodically nod his head,
- the manifestation of the “dome” gesture, that is, the elbows of the hands will be on the table, and the hands in the fingers will be joined together, forming a kind of dome (often this gesture shows the complacency and selfishness of a person),
- full confidence on the part of the interlocutor is his open palms of his hands.
For some actions, you can accurately verify that the interlocutor does not just happen to be a speaker, but also evaluates him. For instance:
- during the hearing, the person rests his head on the palm of his hand, putting his index finger up,
- during a conversation, the listener takes off his glasses, touches his lips with a bow,
- scratching the chin indicates that the person is thinking about the topic of conversation.
Also, while thinking over the topic of conversation and its assessment, a person can pace from side to side, as if trying to make one decision for himself. Also, during the evaluation of the conversation, he can pinch the nose with his fingers, closing his eyes.
Body language interpretation rules
In most cases, the body language reliably demonstrates the emotional state of its owner, however, there are exceptions that can mislead the interlocutor. Examples of false gestures include:
- Scratching the nose at the time of the expression of thought is not always a sign of guile. This may be a manifestation of an allergy or a bad habit.
- The age-related features of the development of intelligence and the emotional sphere make children and young people more active in gestures, while older people use their hands and facial expressions less in communication. In this case, excessive gestures or their absence does not mean emotional involvement or absolute coldness to the interlocutor.
- Laconicism and stiffness of the body is not always a sign of shyness or love. It can also be a sign of absolute indifference or even veiled irritability.
Representatives of ancient Rome possessed the study of body language and the desire to characterize gestures.Science, formed on the basis of the observations of researchers, was called kenesica. The greatest contribution to its development was made by:
- J. Balver. He created a fundamental work devoted to gestures, in particular, hand movements.
- I.F. Lafater. He studied physiognomy, conducted a comparative analysis of emotions and gestures.
- G. K. Lichtenberg. He published several works in which he analyzed in detail the ideas of Lafater, calling them superficial and far from reality.
- C. Bell. He studied the nervous system, studied the correspondence of facial features to experienced emotions. He brought out the pattern between an emotional reaction and muscular activity.
- C. Darwin. He studied the correspondence of facial expressions to emotional reactions.
- F. Bacon. He came to the conclusion that there is a special body language understood by all the peoples of the world.
- F. Lowen. In his book on the psychology of the body outlined the basics of psychosomatic problems
Psychologists and sociologists believe that body language can become a universal means of communication between people of different social groups.
The face very clearly reflects the owner’s inner world. Eyebrows, eyes and lips – the most expressive interlocutors:
- A “boring”, not blinking glance paired with rhythmic breathing clearly speaks of gaining anger,
- a steady smile is a clear sign of sympathy or even love,
- raised eyebrows and wide eyes indicate that the interlocutor was not ready to receive the information sounded,
- an asymmetrical smile, limited by lifting only one corner of the mouth, indicates a condescending attitude or a complete lack of interest.
Attention! Each person has his own personal features of facial expressions, which can be noticed by careful friends or relatives. For example, some people, trying to play a trick on a friend, inflate their nostrils, trying to hide a smile so as not to suddenly laugh.
Body language: head and gaze
- Head tilted - an expression of sympathy or, if accompanied by a smile, flirting.
- The head is lowered - stealth, shame, timidity, an attempt is on the sidelines - to keep distance. If, for example, a person explains or justifies something with his head down, there is a possibility that he is not speaking or telling lies.
- The head is raised high, as they say "nose up" - confusion or challenge, a desire to show oneself above the problems and circumstances that are being discussed.
- Running eyes - restlessness and deceit.
- A look a little past the opponent’s eyes - confidence and comfort.
- Looking down or on the floor - shyness, frustration.
- The questioning look is distrust, lack of conviction about what is being discussed.
- Direct look "eye to eye" - self-confidence, comfort.
- Pupil enlargement - interest, surprise.
- Bulging eyes - shock, anger.
- A look into the distance is a lack of interest in the topic, alienation.
- Raised eyebrow - skepticism or surprise.
Communication of people with gestures carries even more information than facial expressions. The biggest role here is played by hands. During the day, everyone makes thousands of movements, starting with the banal “hello” gesture and ending with complex combinations. So, from the movements that are not common among the layman, one can distinguish:
- Stroking himself on the outside of the thigh, shoulder, or across the chest indicates anxiety and intense excitement - with the help of such touches the subject tries to calm himself, reduce the level of anxiety, these movements can be seen from someone who asks him to apologize for some actions, committed in the past
- Rubbing the forehead may indicate a healthy perplexity, attempts to concentrate and penetrate, but at the same time, students rubbing their foreheads during the test, give themselves away - every teacher knows that those who make attempts to use the cheat sheet behave in a falsely demonstrating thought process ,
- Hands, lowered into pockets, with shoulders straight and shoulders straight, speak of self-confidence and strength,
- Rubbing his eyes while addressing the interlocutor indicates that the conversation is unfair, this body movement betrays a liar.
Schoolchildren rubbing their forehead
While the person is talking, his body is in nonverbal communication with others. Almost unconsciously, various poses are taken, which can often go against oral speech. The fact that the legs are laid out, where the hands are laid, as well as the tilt of the head in the most direct way demonstrate true intentions that do not sound in the phrases uttered.
Body language: hands and gestures
Hand gestures, like other gestures, can tell a lot of interesting things.
- Hands lie on hips - expectation, impatience and fatigue.
- Crossed palms - closed, unwillingness to cooperate / communicate. Crossing arms shoulder width apart is authority.
- Gestures with palms up - openness, honesty.
- The desire to hide your hands in your pockets is an understatement of something.
- Clasped hands into a fist - irritation, anger.
- Rubbing the palms of the hands is the difficulty of “keeping oneself in hands”, a way to calm oneself.
- Hands thrown around the neck - a calm perception of information, relaxation.
- A fist with an index finger aimed at the interlocutor is a desire to subdue.
- Tapping with fingers - irritation, lack of interest.
- Scratching the earlobe, chin, or other part of the face indicates fatigue.
What are the gestures talking about?
No matter how much a comrade, partner or colleague tries to convince himself of his honesty, he can “read” his thoughts by paying attention to what his body says. The thinking process of most people is based on images that are often expressed in movements. Even the alphabet for the deaf-mute was developed based on the perception of images and forms.
Main body segments
Assessing the value of posture and movements, you need to pay attention to the body segment that gives signals. Each department is responsible for a specific issue:
- eyes are an expression of fear associated with personal relationships,
- mouth - communication difficulties, fear of rejection,
- neck - negative emotions, anger, aggression,
- chest - suppression of emotional reactions, restraint, self-control,
- diaphragm - social anxiety, volitional efforts, sense of satisfaction,
- zone of the stomach - a sense of danger, an external threat,
- pelvis and inguinal region - true feelings, intimate interest.
When evaluating the reaction of individual segments of the body, it is always necessary to compare movements in general. Alerts should be caused by the desynchronism of movements of different departments: a person cannot control his body and it betrays his deception.
Body language: lips
- Lips curved in a grin - irritation, maliciousness, distrust.
- Tight lips - anger.
- Licking lips during a business conversation - lack of interest, while communicating with the opposite sex - flirting.
I want to note, that the body language and gestures of girls slightly different from men's, but this applies to physiological characteristics, greater grace of movements and facial expressions, openness on the part of women. In general, all the above-mentioned nuances of body movements can be "rowed" into a single whole.
Of course, there is still a lot of interesting things on the topic of gestures and the language of our body and face, but we have described the most important points of this topic, but here in these videos you can find a lot of useful information.
Master the knowledge of the universal language of non-verbal communication, and you will be able to see something that you had no idea about. All the best to you, may they never be able to "bite you" when you want it!
Gestures of closure, isolation
For a full psychological assessment of a person by gestures and gestures, it is necessary to distinguish shyness and targeted secrecy. About unwillingness to communicate, fear and hostility says:
- Crossing the arms on the chest.In a sitting position, a person can also cross his legs, pushing his knee forward. This indicates a desire to fence off with armor, to be as far away from the interlocutor, mistrust and hostility.
- Tightness, hands on knees. Pose of protection, the desire to quickly end the conversation.
- Tapping, tapping fingers, throwing objects from hand to hand. The desire to distract attention from yourself, to avoid a negative reaction.
For many people, postures expressing secrecy are comfortable, and they unconsciously accept them when talking with trusted people. But during business communication they should be avoided so as not to cause misunderstanding.
The difference between male and female gestures
Many well-known psychologists studied the body language of a man and a woman, conducting a comparative description. In the case of a woman, body language is a pronounced manifestation of emotions and passion, men are naturally restrained and balanced, which means that their gestures will be hidden and less recognizable. And only a very observant person will be able to read them.
A man, if he likes a girl, will demonstrate the following gestures:
- the correction of clothes or hairstyles, as well as brushing off mote or dust, even if they are not,
- straightening of the shoulders, retraction of the abdomen, pronounced and bright look,
- putting a finger on a belt on trousers, holding hands in pockets with the thumb outward,
- a long and studying look at a woman.
In turn, the body language of a woman differs from the gestures of a boyfriend in love with the following manifestations:
- shaking hair, correction of hairstyles,
- gait swaying
- short eyelashes
- touching your hips, waist,
- demonstration of the wrist area,
- stroking fingers of the hands of a pencil, legs of a glass or other elongated object,
- parted lips, aspirated languid voice,
- laying foot on foot.
Women are more open in the non-verbal manifestation of their sympathy, but due to constraint and self-doubt, sometimes the gestures of sympathy may be slightly different - quick speech with a trembling voice, loud and abrupt laughter or awkward movements.
Gestures of lies
The human body, unlike language, is unwilling to lie. Non-verbal communication is valuable to psychologists because it does not hide the truth, for which he wants to say “thank you”. This gratitude is not unfounded: when the interlocutor is lying, his hands seem to want to stop the attempt to deceive, they try to close his master’s mouth, which is why liars constantly rub their nose, scratch their chins or lips, and rub their cheeks.
Gestures that help you recognize a lie
The main thing that any student of the body language should strive for is the ability to identify lies in the interlocutor’s speech. About dishonesty they say:
- Frequent touching the face, scratching the forehead and nose, covering the mouth with your hand. A man is literally trying to prevent himself from telling a lie, covering his face, avoiding a direct, condemning look.
- Stroking, scratching the neck. Talking about lies caused by fear or misunderstanding. Such gestures are often shown by subordinates in a conversation with the boss.
- Touching the earlobe. During communication, touching the ears means that the person does not believe in the information heard, but tries not to show it.
- Quick frequent smiles, licking lips. It means excitement, the desire to hide the deception.
Inconsistency of gestures with spoken words indicates a lie, but individual characteristics must be taken into account. Perhaps the dissonance caused by anatomical features is a consequence of the disease. Also, the movement and words are mismatched among foreigners who do not know the language well and try to supplement the words with gestures.
If a girl is not interested in a man, and he stubbornly continues to captivate her, this will end in failure.
It is very easy for a man to understand that he is not interested.
If a woman does not look away or does not look at a man at all, turns away or turns her body towards the nearest door (yes, there are such nuances) - she wants to leave and is not interested in getting to know each other.
If a woman does not respond with a smile to a smile - the chances of a successful acquaintance are minimal.
A light stoop, a wandering gaze, a lowered head, and indicative relaxation are signs of a loss of interest in a man. Long does not look in the eye or often looks towards the exit.
The girl turns her body to the side, crosses her arms, puts some object between you and pinches, assuming a defensive posture.
Women, like men, are able to love, but are afraid to say so. Sympathy can be guessed by a constant smile. With the help of body language, you can hint about intimate desires, if you pay attention to some little things:
- women slowly and sensually stroking their neck,
- men widely spread their legs sitting on a chair,
- lip licking is characteristic of both sexes, but more women.
Interesting. If a girl rubs an earring on a date, the name of this gesture is not excitement, but carefully hidden excitement.
Aggression warning gestures
It is important to recognize the gestures of aggression and threat in a timely manner - this makes it possible to prevent the conflict in time and leave the direct line of attack of the interlocutor. Aggressive attitude is manifested:
- Clenching fists. The interlocutor speaks in a calm tone, his pose is relaxed, but his hands are constantly clenched into fists - a clear signal of pent up anger.
- Fists rest against the surface of the table, hips or pressed to the waist - a direct threat, readiness to attack.
- Hands are hidden behind the back. A man is literally trying to control himself, not to show aggression.
- Tight lips, tightly compressed jaws. They express contempt, dissatisfaction with the interlocutor.
- Scratching the back of the neck and neck. Waiting for an attack, demonstration of readiness for defense.
If during a conversation a person jerks his upper lip, inflates his nostrils, screws up his eyes, he is ready for an open confrontation, demonstrates superiority over his opponent, and threatens.
Understanding when a girl is concerned about something will help a man take the initiative at the right time and take the situation into his own hands, demonstrate masculinity and strength.
When a girl is worried or stressed, she blinks more often.
Even at such moments, fine motor skills are turned on: in stressful situations, a woman can not only straighten her curl in her hair, but simply rhythmically wind it on her finger, for example.
As an option: fold the tubes or tear paper napkins, break toothpicks or skewers for snacks. If we talk about facial expressions: very often with an increase in emotional stress, women purs their lips.
How stress and empty feelings break a woman from the inside and ruin relationships with men can be found on Free Online Course - Man: Honest Instruction.
An experienced psychologist is able to read gestures and facial expressions of even a very secretive person and evaluate his emotional state regardless of verbal information. For people unfamiliar with the intricacies of non-verbal signals, at first it is difficult to simultaneously monitor two channels of information. You can start with the following techniques:
- to note the movements that a person reproduces most often and compare with spoken words,
- ask the interlocutor suggestive and clarifying questions, ask the same information several times,
- do not look at the person you are talking to directly, look away so as not to arouse suspicion,
- having caught a person in a lie, do not make claims immediately, do not interrupt the narration - perhaps the first conclusions will turn out to be wrong,
- develop observability, learn to correlate information.
Learning to understand body language will help special books from which to draw theoretical information, and constant practice. To learn to read different people, one should constantly train the ability to study emotional reactions, movements, and other non-verbal signals. It is important to compare signals, highlight a common series of symbolic gestures. This will help in the future without hesitation to recognize body signals.
How to recognize gestures?
To get a complete picture of the correspondence of gestures and facial expressions to the words of a person, you need to evaluate the value of all movements:
- Gait. By the way the interlocutor enters the room, one can assess the degree of confidence and self-esteem: a wide step, a confident gait - determination and ambition, a shuffling gait - lack of will and desire, a slow imposing walk - narcissism and demonstrativeness.
- The position of the hands while moving and sitting. The elbows pressed to the body indicate isolation, lack of sociability, wide gestures, waving hands during a conversation - openness, sociability. Touching the interlocutor - the desire to enter the zone of closest trust, the desire to subordinate.
- Direction of sight. The position of the eyes shows how much the interlocutor is interested in the conversation and the desire to defend his point of view. A downward-looking gaze - a person is telling the truth, an upward-looking one - comes up on the go.
- Posture. A straightened neck and a raised chin indicate a person’s general confidence, a bowed head is a sign of humility, timidity.
- Body direction. The body leaning forward means interest in the conversation, sympathy for the interlocutor, the desire to reduce the emotional distance, to enter into trust.
If during a conversation a person often changes position, his opinion is unstable. He is ready to accept someone else's point of view, to obey the interlocutor.
Gestures of nervousness and uncertainty
The most popular gestures that speak of emotional anxiety can be considered picking in the nails, tearing off the cuticle, biting off the dead corners of the fingertips. Ladies carrying a nail file with them, during increased nervousness, groundlessly sawing their manicure.
Nibbling nails with excitement
Male and female gestures
During a conversation, women tend to gesticulate more often if the subject of discussion is pleasant to them. When discussing unpleasant things or talking with an unpleasant interlocutor, women instinctively tend to move away, shrink, become smaller. They clasp their hands, bow their heads, turn away. Expressing interest, women try to come closer, their gestures are open, palms are turned to the interlocutor.
Men are less likely to express irritation through gestures. Their mood is easier to evaluate through a pose: a relaxed pose indicates trust, openness, and the desire to continue the conversation. Hunched up, bringing shoulders down, putting your hands in front of you - forming a kind of screen from an unpleasant interlocutor.
How to recognize the simplest gestures?
The defining indicators in the study of body language are the hands and their movements, body position or posture, as well as facial expressions. It is proved that under the influence of certain feelings and emotions, relaxation of various facial structures and their coordinated contractions occur. You can also read a lot by look and eyes, it remains only to understand the simplest and most naked manifestations of emotions and feelings.
The position of the body is a clear indicator that a person can hide from the opponent or not speak. For instance:
- aggression - standing or sitting, with your arms or arms forward, hiding your thumbs in your pockets or belt,
- self-confidence and rightness - a high-raised head, a chin set forward, sitting at a table, fingers are connected only at the ends, but spread apart in the palms,
- desire to change the subject and negative attitude - standing with support on any subject,
- fear and anxiety - fidgeting in a chair, frequent change of body position.
Other gestures of body position were described earlier in the classification according to the mood of a person. Psychologists note that a frequently repeated pose indicates that a person has stable personality traits.
By studying body language and gestures, a person can easily understand the interest in intimate and romantic relationships. The movements of women attracting the attention of men are actively expressed:
- demonstration of wrists, turning the inside of the palms up,
- shaking hair, twisting a lock of hair on a finger,
- licking, biting the lips,
- touching the hips, ankles,
- the direction of the toes towards the man.
A man, showing interest in a relationship with a woman, subconsciously tries to demonstrate the best qualities:
- stretches up, straightens shoulders,
- constantly adjusts tie, cuffs and shirt collar,
- runs his hands over his hips, knees.
Representatives of both sexes give an interest in intimate relations to a studying look. He glides over the figure of an attracting person from top to bottom, lingering on the neckline and hip level.
Watch your face
The male role in building relationships is often downplayed. And it’s not only the woman who needs to work on relations.
Often all sorts of women's trainings are perceived by men with hostility, although it would be useful for them to understand their beloved woman better.
Relations are built between two people - that means both should work on their quality. Each has its own sphere of responsibility, but this does not exclude participation itself.
Ideal couples are those in which both partners are interested in each other's life and feelings. This allows you to bypass sharp corners and prevent manipulation in relationships.
Therefore - do not forget about facial expressions. Even the phrase: “I love you” can lose all meaning if a person looks away.
psychologist Growth Phase.
We give an example of gestures of a guy in love
To understand how, in practice, to recognize facial expressions, gestures and other non-verbal signs in a person, just look at a good example. The body language of a man in love will help any woman to accurately determine his true feelings and emotions in relation to her. You need to pay attention to several points:
- appearance - the man in love is neatly dressed, clean-shaven, smells good,
- sight - a close and appreciating look in the eyes, on the lips of a woman,
- hands - involuntary manipulations, for example, brushing off dust particles or correcting hairstyles,
- vote - timid insinuating voice, without harshness and differences in intonation.
A man who liked a woman will in every way demonstrate his strength and masculinity. In addition, he will be interested in all spheres of life of his object of desire, show care and responsibility.
Body language is a non-verbal way of communication that not all people possess. It includes gestures, body movements, postures, facial expressions and even intonation in the voice. Many well-known psychologists have devoted books to this extensive topic, for example, Alan Pease and James Borg, describing common, as well as male and female characteristic non-verbal manifestations.